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古风学院诗十二期绝句高级班第一讲【杜甫组】作业帖 |
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红尘复评:首句时犯孤平,整体诗脉流畅自然,借景抒情,云的描写形象细拟,由其合句推炼字到位,神韵突显,从转句设问合句回答看是渔洋第三法
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此作韵脚“行、情、城”同押平水韵八庚,为仄起入韵式,第三句“息”字平仄小拗,无伤大体。起句铺展远景,写云在长空自在遨游之态;承句承写云之卷舒万变,融情于物;第三句由景转入人事,以云知游子乡情作转;结句
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碧波涟漪情试评:问好学友,小诗格律正确,语言流畅,写出了云的特点。前两句写眼前景,转句写人事,景结有余味,符合渔阳第七法。
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红月浅评:全诗借云起兴,咏物怀乡,脉络清,意境美,由云的自然行迹,过渡到人的乡愁,情景交融,起承转合自然,- “布庄”略违和。学xi点赞!
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