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古风词十一期初级班第九讲【扶苏组】作业帖 |
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点评
整首词,我感觉主题不明确,既然是秋的感怀,前两句,写了秋天的欣欣向荣,准备过片和过片,又写了悲秋的凄凉,再者,枫叶和残荷应该是对立的,不应该放在一起。整首词起伏太大,尽量做到前后遥相呼应。
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点评
整首词前景后情很不错,不过,海角天涯能相遇,这里相遇的“相”是平声,应该算是出律,
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