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 1467| 35
 
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烟雨楼22期诗班37讲鹿鸣组作业贴 | 
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三用连状紊乱,四句否它不达标。 
 
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渔汛用词牵强。转句转到九天外。。 
 
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垄田高义重复,家句子起句断裂 
 
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 点评
紫月点评:
启承两句可以,转合语意表达不大顺畅。“心欲旧”、“旧儿团”意思表达欠妥,“旧”重字。“看”挤韵。 
 
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